sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize