Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
