a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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