What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Randomize
