i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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