i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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