porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
