I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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