Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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