im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
