Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
