I'd wear matching sweaters with you
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
