There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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