Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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