Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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