It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
