I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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