I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
