whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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