Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
