i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
