He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
