I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
