Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
