think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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