Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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