...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
