We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
