I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
