We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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