Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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