my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
from now on my penis is your penis
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
