Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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