Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize