My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
