WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
