He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
