PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
