I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
