just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize