Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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