tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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