Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
