I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
