I accidentally burped into my bong.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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