So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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