I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
