She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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