I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
