this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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