Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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