Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He did a backflip because drugs
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
