How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
my poor anus
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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