Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
