Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
