Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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