so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
