Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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