That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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