Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
