remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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