Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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