If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
