I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
