tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
then he tried to convert me to islam
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
