i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
