she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
