Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
