I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
