can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
