One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
