If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
