It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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