My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
