reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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