if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
