this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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