shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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