i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
