we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
