My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
