I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
